Let’s get to the basics of the basics: «frames». We feel that when you’re starting with the basics, you have to get those right before you can move on. Build the foundation first, and build it strong. Without further adieu, here you go.

What is a «frame» or «frames»?

L.A. Tripp:

The simplest explanation is, it’s the extension of your inner core that the world sees. It’s just a small part of your inner core. It’s what you use to filter the world through. You let those in that you want in, keep those out that you want out. In that regards, it’s like a picture frame. You create your own borders.

Zip:

In the community, «frame» is the term used to describe your own personal bubble of experience that other people perceive as your aura. (I call that the «outer frame.») You should be having a party in your frame, and VIP’s should line up to get in.

What are some good ways to develop a super strong frame when you cannot or don’t have the time to go out sarging on a regular basis?

Zip:

Develop your inner game, inner frame, and core. This can be done every day, in every interaction you have. It can also be done on your own as you reflect on your past interactions and experiences. Here’s an excerpt from my «Great Frame Crash Theorem»:

The inner core is the evolutionary grain augmented by your experiences and environmental stimul. It’s basically «who you are… on the inside.» It’s not all of your neurosis and behavioral idiosyncrasies… it’s deeper than that. It’s that inner beacon that gets blipped out a bit while you’re experiencing real intimacy with another human being. The first step to getting your inner game back is rewiring everything that connects to that inner core. Once you’ve identified your inner core, you have to flip the attraction switches on yourself. You have to be attracted to your inner core in order for anyone else to be attracted to it.

Now, on to the frames. Your inner frame surrounds your core, and your outer frame can grow from your own personal space to grab other people into it. The inner frame can’t be an iron box; it certainly shouldn’t be tissue. Your inner frame should be a semi-permeable membrane, allowing certain things in and certain things out.

The «stronger» your frame, the more choice experiences and emotions will be allowed to trickle in while superficial and transient shit will be blocked out. Only with a strong and functional inner core will the inner frame be able to properly function.

All of this is work you can do without «going sarging.» All of this solitary work strengthens your frame, from the inside out.

L.A. Tripp:

Well, sarging has nothing to do with building a strong frame. You should have a strong frame anyway, with or without sarging. You need the strong frame before you sarge, so that the frame will be in place for the sarging. Got family? There’s one way to build up a strong frame. Don’t let them walk all over you. Got friends that like to be critical? There’s another way to build a strong frame. Practice putting your foot down with people. Practice standing up for yourself. And not backing down at their resistance to you doing that.

How do you calibrate your frame to better coexist within a given set? Should you?

For example, sometimes if you are too cocky or alpha, you may intimidate the girls in the set, to the point where they either think you’re

• out of their league (because you are simultaneously giving them the cold shoulder to show disinterest at the beginning), or
• a total asshole.

I ask because I’ve seen all the talk about developing a super strong frame and nothing about making it adaptable to specific situations. Of course, by making your frame more flexible you run into a higher risk of getting AMOG’d, and furthermore if you change your attitude too much you might come off incongruent.

Your thoughts?

L.A. Tripp:

Ever heard of micro-calibration? Yeah, this is part of it. Instant adjustments from second to second. All that means is that you are on your toes. Just a fancy way of saying that. Here’s the thing: You want to be friendly with the guys, and as soon as they try to AMOG you, you instantaneously increase your frame and overtake theirs. Think of it this way. You are letting them into your frame to begin with, so if they try to blow you away, simply show them where your frame really is. Let them know they don’t have a chance, you were just allowing them to participate. Until that point, they are allowed to hang around and have fun with you.

Same way with the girls. You should be allowing them to join in your world anyway. So, you let them into your frame, be nice to them, etc. Let them know that they are safe in your frame. You’re not showing you want to get into their pants, but that it is safe for them to be in your frame, because you want a new friend to hang with. If they get out of hand, you give them a glimpse of where your frame really is. And, if it’s a girl that you are interested in, and you don’t want to be too nice to her and end up in the friend zone, you can tease her, while still keeping your frame to a smaller level, until she either gets out of hand, or she demonstrates to you that her frame is bigger than the average girl.

Then you increase the size of your frame on the spot to give her an idea of where yours really is.

Zip:

Agreed. The outer frame is the first thing someone else will notice about you. It’s reflected in your body language, your confidence, and your presence. It’s your own bubble that you walk around in. It’s also your reality in real-time, in the world, existing. If you’re living life, truly being present within each moment, your outer frame is augmented by environmental determinists. There is a time and a place for everything. This is absolutely true for how you invite people into your frame.

Calibrate, calibrate, calibrate.

A lot of times, guys hear the term «frame» have an epiphany, and strengthen it. The problem is, they don’t realize that «strong» frame is an «adaptable» frame. The Constitution of the United States of America is such a brilliant piece of codification because it is wisely augmentable. Just like a healthy outer frame.

When your frame gets broken, either through a bad break up or some traumatic personal experience, what are the first steps you need to take to rebuild it? How do you do this without becoming scarred or jaded by the event?

Zip:

You have to locate what exactly broke your frame. Then, you have to locate what part of your frame was chipped in such a way that the whole thing collapsed. It’s about reflection, learning from experience, building a stronger reinforcement, and reconstructing your frame.

Like I’ve said before, your inner frame has to be a semi-permeable membrane. You have to «give a shit» while «not giving a fuck.» By «giving a shit,» I mean you have to let quality opinions help shape you and affect you in a positively constructive way. By «not giving a fuck,» I mean you have to let flippant opinions, both positive and negative, be deflected away from your inner core. Don’t let them affect you.

By consistently letting yourself be a part of a living world, you constantly allow experiences to positively affect you. Existential crisis, or an event so traumatizing it breaks you, is a vital part of the human experience. Dissect what went wrong and how it affected you, rebuild your core values, reconstruct a wiser semi-permeable membrane to deflect stupid crap away from you while letting quality experiences in, and you’re on your way to being superman.

L.A. Tripp:

You will be scarred in some manner by the event, but that’s a good thing. It’s just something to put into the back of your mind, as a mental note. Something to draw lessons from as you grow from it. To rebuild your frame, you have to build from your core. Especially when something traumatic happens, you have to go back to your core anyway. You start there, with who you really are, then you build on that. When you realize that the traumatic event doesn’t change who you are at your core, it’s much easier to deal with what happened to shake or shatter your frame. From that point, you start putting your frame back together. You start realizing that most things you may have worried about before really aren’t a big deal, so they roll off of you. Hence, your frame gets stronger.

Do you need to know NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) to have or «control» the frame?

Zip:

In my opinion, no. That goes for if you’re talking about «controlling» your frame or «controlling» another person’s frame. A helpful tool in learning how to control your frame is a form of NLP called self-actualization. I learned about this while studying Hypnotica’s work. Self-actualization is defined by the theorist Kurt Goldstein as «realizing all of one’s potentialities». Some of the most famous and successful people practice this visualization:

Imagine yourself, in your current environment, wherever you are. Take a second to find the outline of where you are in that environment; delineate the space you are taking up as a 3-D model.

In your mind, step out of it. Now, visualize a peak experience. What is the highest potential experience you could possibly have in a given environment? Now, step in and make it happen.

Though it is an excellent way of working on frame, it is not the only way. As far as «controlling» another person’s frame… NLP can be used but with caution. I suggest reading some material from Speed Seduction to experiment with this. I prefer to either invite people into my frame or to let our two frames interact playfully and with meaning.

L.A. Tripp:

Nope. Sure don’t. I don’t know hardly a lick of or about NLP and I have no problem with controlling my frame. They are in fact completely separate of each, although NLP may be able to help you with your frame, but you don’t need NLP to have or control your frame in the first place.

What are good indicators that you are holding the frame?

L.A. Tripp:

Are people following your lead? Are they hanging on your words? Interested in what you say? There you go.

Zip:

Simple. Who’s the host of the party? The person running the show, catalyzing everyone else’s experience in the set (or even in the venue) is the one controlling the frame. However, if you’re talking about «holding» your frame… I say be cautious: A strong frame is malleable, not fixed. Holding implies gripping and fixing something to one spot. That just comes across as pure Alpha and bullheaded.

Do you have to be constantly speaking to be in control of the frame?

Zip:

Absolutely not. Here is where body language and social dynamics come into play. As long as the interaction is still metaphorically pointed at you, you don’t have to be running your mouth.

L.A. Tripp

No. But when you do speak, people pay attention.

What are some ways to strengthen your frame?

L.A. Tripp

Realizing that things that you worry about aren’t anything to worry about. That’s one way. Letting stuff roll off your back. Understanding that you are a desirable person and that others want to get to know you. That’s another way.

Zip:

Find out your weak spots… did something get to you that shouldn’t have? Where did it hurt? What aspect of your inner core did it affect? Ask questions about little hiccups in your experience (we all have them) and strengthen as you go. Think about it like a pro-athlete. Find the weak links and bring them up to speed.

Is it possible for your frame to be too strong?

Zip:

It’s possible for your frame to be too «fixed.» Stationary existence has no place in a kinetic world.

L.A. Tripp:

Yes. At times. That’s where micro-calibration comes in. On the spot adjustments, or in other words, being on your toes.

What does it mean when someone says my frame is too strong?

L.A. Tripp:

Most likely you are coming across as an asshole, or just very overbearing because your mindset about something is so strong.

Zip:

It means you’re coming off like a dick. Period.

What are some common mistakes that will cause one to lose their frame?

L.A. Tripp:

Becoming overbearing because you are overcompensating. Becoming too needy or clingy because you are insecure with yourself. Becoming too nice because you are afraid of losing something or someone.

Zip:

If you become so encompassed in holding your frame in a fixed way, it will make people want to get away from you. If you give of a needy aura that blows your own frame by asking acceptance and admittance into other people’s frames, potential mates will want to get away from you.

I’ve heard there are different layers to my frame what are they?

Zip:

The frame-breakdown is something that is pretty particular to my own opinion. Not a lot of people break frame down this way. Think about a cell, and the core is the nucleus. Your core is your inner personality. Moving outwards from the core is your inner frame, which is a semi-permeable membrane that lets things either augment your core or it deflects harmful opinions or experiences from getting to you. Your outer frame is your experience that you project to the world. It can expand to include others or contract to exclude the unworthy.

L.A. Tripp:

Not so much different layers to your frame, but you can expand or shrink your frame as needed. However, you could consider an inner and outer frame. The outer is what the world sees. The inner is what those close to you see.

How long does it take to rebuild my frame to the way I want it?

Zip:

I’m going to get existential on you. It depends on the person. It depends on the day. It depends on the experience. However, think about this: your frame is different every day because you are a different person every day. I’m not saying that you’re not you. I’m saying that your experiences should augment you every second into becoming a greater person. That’s not an answer, but you’ll know when you feel comfortable in your own skin and can share it with others.

Also consider that even the strongest frame will crash over time. That’s life. It’s a positive thing because you get the chance to self-reflect and rebuild a better you. Why would you ever want to stop growing? Now, I’m not getting nihilistic about this because each time you rebuild your frame stronger than the last frame, it gets easier and easier to recover from existential crisis.

L.A. Tripp:

That depends entirely on each person. And, it depends on how strong you want your frame. Also, how strong your frame is to begin with. Each of these factors are different for each person. It could take a day, or a week, or a month, or whatever length of time you personally need.

And now a question from the mailbag which is topical — for the special V-day.

Hello Tripp and Zip,

I am currently a high school senior, and although I have very easy-going friendships with many girls in my school, primarily Juniors and Seniors, I am not able to take it into an intimate, physical relationship (I must point out that I live in the Dominican Republic and therefore am able to go to clubs but people are not as open as in US or UK).

This is partly because I fear being rejected by girls that I know and perhaps ruin our friendship (however, I am not the kid who girls tell all the stories, I have flirtatious relationships with most girls I know). I was just wondering if you could help me out for Valentine Day by telling me if I should ask her in a date (which I find somewhat awkward) or simply coordinate to meet with her in a bar. Hope to hear from you soon.

L.A. Tripp:

First of all, the girls sense that you are afraid of their rejection. Not a good place to start. Second, you have to be willing to kino, and you say that you are already flirtatious, so the kino is a natural extension of that. And, that’s the first step of taking any relationship physical.

Now, easy going friendships, and flirtatious relationships are also not the same thing. So, which is it that you have with these girls? If they don’t tell you all their stories, I’m wondering if you fit into either of those categories. But, it would more likely be the friend zone than a flirtatious relationship with this in mind.

You have to erase your fear of them. They are human, just like you. They have the same desires as you. The same needs as you. Put them on the same level as you, because they actually are.

Zip:

Dude, Valentine’s Day is so tricky. It’s a lot of pressure to put your self under, especially if it’s a first date. However, I ended up in a long term awesome relationship from a Valentine’s Day first date. If you make it casual and fun, you can get the girl to chill with you. Hell, why not even make it an «Anti-Valentine’s Day» celebration for the two of you to just run around and do very non-Valentine’s stuff. That could be really interesting and totally new for a girl.

Now, gaming people you already know or are involved in a social circle with is tricky. You may risk losing the friendship, but that’s only if you’ve gotten to a certain level with the girl. Also, there are ways to end things with a girl so that you’re even better friends than before, trust me. If you have flirtatious relationships with the girls you know, take it up a notch. Escalate
but keep it casual; it’s a tricky balance.

Who are L. A. Trip and Zip?

They are both head moderators of one of the most popular PUA Forums on the Internet.

Every week they dip into their mailbag and answer questions like below:

• «What do I say to women after approaching them?»
• «This girl told me we are just friends, will I always be in the friend zone?»
• «I find it difficult to approach women, how do I get over approach anxiety?»
• «I don’t like bars, where else can I meet women?»
• «I get girls’ numbers but they never return my calls, what can I do about it?»

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